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"It is easy to go down into Hell; night and day, the gates of dark Death stand wide; but to climb back again, to retrace oneapos;s steps to the upper air - thereapos;s the rub, the task." --Virgil

Aint that truth.

Do you guys ever feel like... Maybe you cant ever get past, the past?

Every relationship ive ever had since college, has ended. Iapos;ve always been dumped. Because I am depressed, angry, anxious. I thought maybe i was slightly sociopathic, but then i went to therapy and was finally able to feel love, loss, and betrayal. I was finally able to feel disgusted with myself.

I was a liar, ive lied to everyone. I have not been honest with anyone in my life. I make up stories, i lie to myself, because of my own fears and insecurities. I wish i could say sorry to all my exapos;s ... But im sure theyre real sorry they ever met me. Its strange. Every guy falls so hard for me, but then they realize who i really am...just something they DONT want in their lives. I drain people, until theres nothing left. I push people away right when iapos;ve pulled them in. I used to manipulate people to get what i wanted, i planned and schemed. And i was very good at it. But then I came across one guy, who really changed me. He taught me how to love and respect others. Most importantly, he gave me love...something that noone in my life has ever done.
I went the therapy, and now im doing so much better.
Oh and btw, he dumped me and It was too late to fix our relationship, he does not love who i was...even if that is not who i am right now.

But the past haunts me. Sometimes i feel like i can never get over it. Sometimes i feel like, ill never be forgiven..that my bad karma will always come up. Iapos;ve been researching budhism, and well alot of the stresses i have in my life are because of negative decisions i have made. Its my fault. Iapos;m not a victim.
I just want to start over new. I dont want to play games. I just want to be productive, accomplish good things.

So, Can the past ever be forgiven? I feel sad for myself...and for thi

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