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See, this is why giving people unrestricted Internet access in their offices is a bad idea. They spend far more of their time fooling about online than they do trying to get their heads round the intricacies of linear systems but can you blame them?

Well, unrestricted apart from Flash, I should say. That was a nasty surprise on Friday when I realised just how much you actually use it for... Though I should have remembered. I have encountered this deficiency before when trying to follow live tennis scores. Damn. Looks like Iapos;m going to be, er, working from home during the Wimbledon fortnight then When Iapos;m not actually there watching tennis that is; Joanna and I have decided weapos;re definitely going to see some live tennis next summer.

Was just about to go to bed last night when I realised that I had left my alarm clock in Chiswick. Under Sarahapos;s bed, in fact. The damned thing makes such a loud ticking noise itapos;s possible she will have thought Iapos;d put a bomb under there. I had to work out how to set the alarm on my phone to enable me to get up this morning.

And my legs are stiff... Though that might be something to do with the fact that on Saturday I ran from Chiswick to Roehampton and back again, then walked from Chiswick to Wimbledon, and yesterday morning I walked from Chiswick to Notting Hill. (I had intended to walk from Chiswick to Camden Town, in which case my legs would probably by now have dropped off, but due to the events of Saturday night I did not get up early enough to do so. I may describe these events later at a time when I am not supposed to be working.)

So I was in Wimbledon on Saturday evening, and the weather was really good and there were loads of people standing round outside pubs and restaurants and stuff, and I thought what a nice place it looked to come for a meal and how Iapos;d really have to talk Joanna into doing that one evening. Then I thought how much less nice it would be bound to look if it were freezing cold and pouring with rain. On the odd occasions I have found myself in Wimbledon in the past it has always been gloriously (and unseasonably) warm. It is nothing more nor less than a certainty that when I go next summer for the tennis it will rain incessantly throughout my entire visit.

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I spent tonight with my dad at a brewpub in Evansville, Turoniapos;s, that I never knew existed before. We got a pizza loaded with peppers and a pitcher of nourishing black lager.

Iapos;m on a sort of loosely-adapted vacation from work the next few days, which is to say thereapos;s a certain amount Iapos;ve mapped and a certain amount which will be played by ear. My ultimate goal is get up to The House on the Rock to revel in its aura of Neil Gaiman mysticism. Along the way I also want to take in The Sears Tower (from the inside), WonderDawg, and the Frank Lloyd Wright tour.

My desirables would be getting in two days of hiking in Wisconsin (otan let me borrow his field guide to the state), and my statics are taking in atleast three craft breweries along the way.
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"It is easy to go down into Hell; night and day, the gates of dark Death stand wide; but to climb back again, to retrace oneapos;s steps to the upper air - thereapos;s the rub, the task." --Virgil

Aint that truth.

Do you guys ever feel like... Maybe you cant ever get past, the past?

Every relationship ive ever had since college, has ended. Iapos;ve always been dumped. Because I am depressed, angry, anxious. I thought maybe i was slightly sociopathic, but then i went to therapy and was finally able to feel love, loss, and betrayal. I was finally able to feel disgusted with myself.

I was a liar, ive lied to everyone. I have not been honest with anyone in my life. I make up stories, i lie to myself, because of my own fears and insecurities. I wish i could say sorry to all my exapos;s ... But im sure theyre real sorry they ever met me. Its strange. Every guy falls so hard for me, but then they realize who i really am...just something they DONT want in their lives. I drain people, until theres nothing left. I push people away right when iapos;ve pulled them in. I used to manipulate people to get what i wanted, i planned and schemed. And i was very good at it. But then I came across one guy, who really changed me. He taught me how to love and respect others. Most importantly, he gave me love...something that noone in my life has ever done.
I went the therapy, and now im doing so much better.
Oh and btw, he dumped me and It was too late to fix our relationship, he does not love who i was...even if that is not who i am right now.

But the past haunts me. Sometimes i feel like i can never get over it. Sometimes i feel like, ill never be forgiven..that my bad karma will always come up. Iapos;ve been researching budhism, and well alot of the stresses i have in my life are because of negative decisions i have made. Its my fault. Iapos;m not a victim.
I just want to start over new. I dont want to play games. I just want to be productive, accomplish good things.

So, Can the past ever be forgiven? I feel sad for myself...and for thi

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On our way the Obama rally, my boss mentioned that she noticed I lost weight....i was like what....she said she noticed it thursday when i only have lost 4 lbs....but as of today.....itapos;s 6 lbs Yay.
Iapos;m so happy about that. I wasnapos;t going to eat anything but my supervisor who i went with wanted to split a bagel with me. We did lite on the cream cheese and i had an orange juice. She asked me if we wanted to support each other and keep track of what we eat. Im hesitant. Iapos;ll have to make up stuff weapos;ll see....


im so happy about 6 lbs iapos;m below 180lbs finally
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